Deez Z’s

 

              In Search of the Better Mousetrap 

I was sitting on the back porch smoking a very politically incorrect cigarette thinking about the state of the nation, which frankly, there isn’t one. Years of liberal thought, denial, and the destruction of anything resembling a moral code has given us a bizarre world where the rules change with each new social wind where one size fits none. At seventy-two it makes a baby boomer such as myself appreciate the time running out for those of my generation, soon to be replaced by something called “The ‘Z’ Generation.”

 

Psychologists of late have labeled generations and assigned character traits to each era to try to understand historical norms and try to plot the course of the future of humanity. The most recent group is the Z’s. When you look at it on the surface the label Z provokes images of finality. The end result. The ultimate evolution of a species, concept, or, in this case, a generation. 

 

Baby Boomers

 

Accordingly certain characteristics have been assigned to the so far identified generations of the twentieth century. Baby Boomers were industrious, born after the “war to end all wars. It is interesting to note that was the same identifier given to World War I, which causes one to ask, if that one was the war to end all wars why did they have to give it a number? Why? So they could file World War II correctly, of course. Subsequent mini wars have shown most definitely that the wars to end all wars have not fulfilled their stated intent. With the advent of the nuclear age the new plan is to obviously generate a War to End All People. The dinosaurs had a comet, we had Oppenheimer!

 

 

Being the issue of survivors of such a war, and raised on depression era grandparents, the Boomers were “Open for business!” Any business. From instant coffee to automatic transmissions. That brings to mind the question: If they were so smart how come they didn’t come up with a way to run all them big ass cars with all them split atoms they were so proud of. Asking for a friend. 

 

The Boomers gave us the “Free Love” movement of the 60s. While love may have been free, divorces cost a pretty penny, or not so pretty depending upon the child support, so they just did away with marriage, God in schools and cigarettes in cafes. The end result being the Millennials. 

 

Millennials 

 

When you live in a plastic world it is only logical that you populate your world with plastic people. The Millennials took the Beatles and gave us Michael Jackson. The kid was not his son. The kid was in his bed. They greatest contributor to justice in the early twenty-first century was the doctor who walked out of the room allowing Michael to administer his own meds. 

 

The moniker “Millennial” conjures images of the Thousand Year Reich. Something built to last, solid, stable, and stalwart. They gave us many important innovations. UNI-sex, cable TV and Bill Clinton. They grew old gracefully, and even came up with assisted suicide for the graceful exit to the land of no god. Oh, they did religiously follow their horoscope, but the first amendment secured that. 

 

During the era of the Millennials there were three genders. Men, women, and “other.” Gay rights became an issue and people had more freedom to express their affections ever what suited their fancy, or not so fancy whichever the case may be. In Texas, however, men were men, women were women, and sheep were nervous. But these robots found fruitful unions enough times in order to give us . . . wait for it . . . THE Z’s!

 

The Z’s

 

The Z’s just play by the rules the two previous generations bequeathed them with a few minor adjustments. Uh, they ignored everything and just made up their own rules. Example: We have a border problem. Can we agree on that? Many debates, dollars and decisions have been exhausted trying to figure out why Mexicans have a pretentious inclination for swimming rivers, climbing walls and digging tunnels. If you will note, in almost every episode of Dora the Explorer she “explores” how to get across some river. 

 

Well, the Z’s will handle that problem quite adequately when the political torch is passed to them. First they will take down all fences, walls and any other obstacles that would impede easy passage into the United States. After an almost unanimous vote in the halls of Congress they Z government will reinstate slavery. Come to America all you brown people yearning to be free. Oh, well have to have another civil war before you get that. Perhaps Mexico will become the 51^st state. 

 

I find the Z philosophy to be refreshing. It’s a little rough around the edges but after a bit it grows on you. Like athlete’s foot. You’ll get used to it. 

 

There was a grandmother. She tortured her own children until they were old enough to run away from home and then she tortured her grandchildren. Always under the guise of morality, there was no reasoning with her. 

 

Time and health caused her to have to live with her daughter as the Grim Reaper waited at the door. As she waited she made sure her daughter’s children were schooled in the very worst part of her Catholic Faith. They weren’t allowed to use HER silverware, eat at the table she’d brought into the house, or played anywhere but the damp, cold basement. 

 

As it does for all death came a knocking one night. There was no one beside her bed save one granddaughter who dutifully held her hand until her eyes closed and she went to her, reward. 

 

The granddaughter’s act of sitting by a dying old woman during her last hour was lauded by the family as a graphic demonstration of Christian love. 

 

One afternoon the little girl found herself on the back porch cleaning up the deck when the preacher came by and watched the girl work for a few minutes. After a bit the preacher began to talk. 

 

He told her how impressed he was by her kindness to an elderly woman during her last moments when all the others had fled to avoid the grim reality of life and death and she remained. He expounded on the things that he’d seen during his ministry and how she had naturally gravitated to give comfort to someone who had given so much during her life and could give nothing in return during her dying hour.

 

He took her hand and told her that even the simple act of grasping her hand showed inner strength and love as the old hand went limp in hers. With a tear in his eye, he looked at the little girl and asked her hiw she had summoned the strength to do such a noble thing?

 

And the little girl looked at him with an expression similar to M3gan from the movie and said, “I did that to make sure that mean old bitch was dead!”

 

God Bless the Z Generation!