Thou Shalt Not Kill

Thou shalt not kill. But we do it all the time. It’s the fastest way to end a discussion. Pop pop bang bang, oh what a relief it is. Clinically speaking Thou shouldest not kill but then you meet those people where you think, “I gotta make this look like an accident.”

 

And then there’s these people that just need killing. Like the Prophet Porter Rockwell said, “I never killed anybody that didn’t need killing.” Of course he included the entire state of Missouri, all Protestants and the United States Army but who’s counting, right? God had his back. 

 

Mortal combat has been the general fix-all for most human endeavors. I, myself, find it much better to shoot than talk, but Texas has been growing more liberal of late and tends to frown on the practice. 

 

But that having been said, I have been leaning left on the practice of capital punishment. Just yesterday the big story was the execution in Alabama of one Kenneth Smith. 

Smith, who was on a gurney, appeared conscious for “several minutes into the execution,” and “shook and writhed” for about two minutes after that, media witnesses said in a joint report.

That was followed by several minutes of deep breathing before his breath began slowing “until it was no longer perceptible for media witnesses,” the media witnesses said. (CNN)

I hate to be the first one to tell you virgins this but there just ain’t no nice way to kill people. I understand he tried to hold his breath for a considerable time, hoping to “ride it out.” Don’t laugh. He’d already rode out one attempt to kill him but they couldn’t find a vein and sent him back to his cell none the worse for wear (and tear.) this caused a roar of indignation from various courts and it was finally agreed that Alabama couldn’t produce any main line heroin addicts that were capable of ushering Mr. Smith into the great beyond. 

 

So, a new method was arrived at. Something called nitrogen hypoxia. Long story short Smith would be fitted with an oxygen mask sans oxygen. And after an appropriate time his brain would die which means his body would follow suit. After the Supreme Court said, “Good Enough” Smith flopped and crapped his way to hell. 

 

Now before you are offended by my last statement I need to tell you the recently deceased was a hired killer who with an assistant stabbed a preacher’s wife numerous times in her bed. And before you pray for the parson, HE hired them. For a thousand dollars I understand. First, how’d he find two guys to carry out a hit for a grand ‘cause I’ve got a little list! Anyway the preacher committed suicide and they toasted the other guy in 2010. That left Smith clawing and clinging to life in any way he could. Until last night when the State of Alabama choked him to death before a room full of horrified witnesses. Case closed. 

 

So, what’s my problem with that? Well it’s this. The average time on death row is around 18 years. 

Each death penalty case in Texas costs taxpayers about $2.3 million. That is about three times the cost of imprisoning someone in a single cell at the highest security level for 40 years. (Google)

 Nice work if you can get it. 

Now let’s compare that with your run of the mill standard bank robber. In Texas it runs $22,751 a year.  Hey, it’s Texas, ok. You know. The state that puts alligators in the Rio Grande to thwart illegal immigrants. Yeah. THAT place. The difference in cost in Texas compared with say, California is accommodation. In Texas the prisoners subsist on a state approved diet while California gives them, well, food!

 

So we pay that first sum to properly convict a killer and if we’re lucky we get to kill him. By that time he’s grossly overweight, writing books, and found Jesus. And it’s a crap shoot. He can still get his case overturned and converted to life, with or without the possibility of parole. And after all this the preacher’s wife is still dead!

 

I have an idea. Do away with the death penalty. Now, work with me on this. If you commit felony murder, as opposed to the kinder, friendlier kind I suppose, you get life without parole. And I mean life! Life where the last thing you see is the grey wall of a prison infirmary where you recount your totally useless life. Your family has gone on without you, your wife, girlfriend, whatever is living with the legendary Santos which your comrades remind you of every day for the rest of your miserable life. 

 

Here’s the sweet part. From killer to child molester no special provisions. You turn out for head count from day one with your face and record hanging out. Depending upon your conviction your mortality will be on a sliding scale. And I can’t give exact numbers here but it sure as hell won’t be $2.3 million!

 

You won’t have to worry about mistakes being made and We The People killing an innocent man. If DNA discovers something at some late date pay the guy! Cheaper than now. And if an execution happens it’ll be some convict with a sock and a can of Jack Mackerel. Sock (1) $6. Can of Jack Mac, $2. Labor cost, smuggled cigarettes for life to the executioner. I oughta be president!