Take Three of These and Call me in the Morning

 

Self-pity is our worst enemy

and if we yield to it

we can never do anything wise

 - Helen Keller

I have what I call “Blue Funks!” I wouldn’t call them “depression,” that would involve doctors and after COVID I’ve rejected all medical science, opting instead for Voodoo which I’ve found to be more effective. 

 

All my life I’ve developed plans, ideas and companies only to tear them down and start again. Let’s be frank. Well, you be Frank, I’ll just be Bill. Pleased to meet you. 

 

Failure is easy. To wade in the swamp of self doubt is far easier than climbing a mountain, and there are fish in the swamp. I was raised around Bistineau, Louisiana so I know my way around catfish. But to stop, pull back and have a shot of whiskey is exhilarating. It really is. Forget about the DSM, there is nothing more relaxing than letting go. I heard it in a song. 

 

And I let go pretty damn good! I’ve let go of six wives, eleven grand and not so grand children, and several pretty good dogs. And during my life’s journey I’ve written five books, several hundred songs, at least twenty thousand articles and worked my way through a pretty good case of alcoholism. I tended to call myself a drunk and not an alcoholic because I didn’t like those damn meetings. I didn’t have a drinking problem because I’ve always been able to afford all I wanted. Not bad for a poor kid from Simmonsville! 

 

 

 

This very article is me walking away from a pretty fair crash landing. I’m an executive producer and writer in my own movie company, have some kind of following on The Liberty Beacon Project, still have my health, God knows why, and I’m sitting here considering picking up a case of Jim Beam, an RV, some chick who’s reasonably legal and taking off to Ocatillo Wells, California and try to act like I’m not having a good time! And if that’s not crazy then I’m not a white boy from Austin!

 

Creativity is not definable. What brings the dots together in an artist’s mind is vague until he or she can find a way to explain it to others and even then it is subject to the analysis of those of lesser cognition than he. Quite often those opinions carry more weight than the original work. Mary Had a Little Lamb was a great theological thesis. Bet you didn’t know that did you? Who was Mary, and what were her intentions toward the animal? Was it The Lord or was she just in the mood for lamb chops that day. We will never know. At any rate she brought it to school one day and it made the children laugh and play a bit more that they did under the bleachers at the previous Friday night’s football game. One thing that I’ve always been proud of is my readers have absolutely no problem understanding where I’m coming from, and every preacher that I’ve ever met agree about where I’m going. 

 

And it all comes out of my struggle with The Blue Funk. Nothing makes you consider options like the thought that you might have been wrong all along. Being mentally sound means you must admit that you are not always right. When you walk a mile in someone else’s shoes and discover they are too tight. So, you step back and rethink. And the truth will not set you free. It sets you in those tight shoes looking for answers. But the skies are blue. You could have seen it had you only looked up. Except in Los Angeles.  

 

And never discuss this with a therapist. They  go right to asking you if you’ve ever considered suicide. Like they’re giving you treatment options or something. And I’m like, “You mean today?” Why no! There are so many people I’d like to shoot before I get around to myself. But I must consider. Can you imagine what that would do for book and movie sales? I wonder if there’s a Bank of America on the other side. 

 

As bad as Blue Funk sounds it’s a source of very deep thought. There are no answers in someone else’s deep thoughts because their deep thoughts have been tailored specifically for them. Every divorce I’ve ever had told me that I was right and she was wrong. Flip a coin six times. Odds are you’ll get a mixture of “heads” or “tails.” Same odds in all of life. So Blue Funk equals enlightenment that works for you. Not the people who buy your book and certainly not myself. I’m just a Simple Old Boy From Austin and in my declining years I get simpler every day. Don’t shoot me, I’m just the piano player.