Who To When To Where To and How To

 

Back in the day, believe it or not, we had sex education in public school. Usually in health class, and as you might surmise, we, the eager students, heavily into puberty were all ears and groins. The very idea of an actual class containing the letters S E X was exhilarating. Especially if the classroom had girls in it!

 

The main thrust of the class was The Idiot’s Guide For Avoiding The Clap! Mainly concerning the application of what was then known as “a rubber” that could be acquired at the bus station. From there over the years that evolved to prophylactic and finally became the “condom” not to be confused with condominium or location where the rubber might be used. As you can understand, just the discussion of such subjects would fire high school imaginations, if not the teachers’. There were the usual pictures of genitalia in case someone in the class had never seen one. There were two models back then, innies and outies, of various sizes and shapes, with the legendary Santos being king and Velma Prigmore being the most popular girl in class. The boys blushed and the future mothers giggled knowingly. 

 

Sexual orientation was never mentioned, much less expounded upon. There were two genders, one with long hair, the other with a crew cut and that was generally the top and bottom of it. Who to, where to, when to, and how to was never part of the syllabus. 

 

Over in the corner of the class sat the “also rans.” Boys, never girls, who were somewhat different from the football team. The boys took a wide path around these while the girls exhibited an unusual interest in their “understanding” of the ladies particular struggles during the high school years. Long story short in a class of thirty there was always two or three of these noncombatants to sauce up the question-and-answer portion of the class. 

 

Well, that was then, this is now! Please see the picture of the books at the beginning of this article. Two works expounding the wheres and wherefores of same sex love. From don’t ask, don’t tell, we have now progressed all the way to relationships between two people who, shall we say, have a lot in common. And they’re teaching it to your kids in the schools you pay for with the protection of the United States Supreme Court, and the blessing of any church who is finding the Sunday attendance falling. Up to and including expulsion from the human race for misapplication of a pronoun while speaking to a genetically modified “person.” God Bless ‘Merica!

 

As you might gather from this picture, these literary works give a whole new understanding of “who to” with special attention to the similarities between the participants. And, please note that the characters are not a couple guys who were in the Navy a bit too long but the age group I was in during my 1969 Clap Class! Au Contrairé!

 

Do you want this? My books aren’t in the school library. The kids will never read one of my articles. Of course not. A book about a Baptist preacher meeting the Virgin Mary, or a West Texas girl marrying young into a prominent family, or even a sci-fi thriller slipping in a little idea of letting a baby go full term and getting to take its first breath. Why that’s just plain unAmerican! Why in Satan’s name would anyone want to read something like that when they can learn about the amazing world of sixty-seven genders in a Do What Thou Wilt era? 

 

Now at this point, as a fairly read journalist I’m supposed to suck a little ass here, oh, sorry, bad choice of words, but I’m not going to do that. What I am going to do is point out that sexual positions have no place in the classroom. Health Class! No matter who you screw, don’t screw yourself! 

 

Fact: If you pick a significant other, and both of you stay significant chances are you will never see an STD Clinic. If you indulge in a cavalier, devil may care lifestyle you will hope all you end up with is The Clap!

 

Now, for same sex. Yeah, I’m gonna go there. Forget about the Bible. The LBGTQ’s plus A’s have already descended on King James and kicked him in the teeth. The Bible is very clear. Gay interpreters are not. Nuff said. Look at the miracle of creation. To completely independent creatures that have almost nothing in common. Fitting together like hand and glove. And if all goes as it should they make a person. And that person should thrive and grow, and make a person. I can’t think of any parent who gets on their knees at night an prays, “Oh Lord! Please make my child gay so I might never see a grandchild of my own blood!” You know that’s true. Think about it. Take all the time you need.