The Easter Egg

 

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Contrary to some reports I did not write “Kielia!” I rarely, if ever consent to interviews. There are many reasons for this, but paramount among them is the fact that after fifty-five years in the entertainment industry I am probably the most politically incorrect person you’d ever meet. When I went to Nashville I wanted to be a “Willie Nelson.” Unfortunately they already had a Willie Nelson and that slot was filled. I will not tell you how many songs I’ve written, just know that there are more than Willie, but he had the deal, and well, I did not!

 

So, I turned to Adult Country Comedy. Now working under the formidable shadow of Saint Roy Acuff I had certain limitations as to what I could put out to the public should I ever hoped to get distribution beyond the walls of a restroom stall at the bus station, but God Bless America and all those other myths I stood my ground and subsequently there was well under a million copies of my album sold.

 

But I kept writing. I will write when I have nothing to say. And as I wrote I began to learn my craft. I had one trick up my sleeve, and you’re looking at it right here. I have no real education outside of my high school education from back in Killeen, which is about as ignorant as one can be and they still let you drive a car. Did you see that? What I just did. It’s called “communication!” The ability to convey thoughts and ideas in a comprehensive way so as to make it understandable to just about anyone who can read, and that, ladies and gentlemen, I do quite well!

 

This is not an exhibition of numbers. I will give you kind. Books, short stories, novellas, songs, articles, speeches, and personal letters, I’ve done them all! And with each one I got a little bit sharper, a little bit more “incorrect.” That’s why I dodge interviews. I’m easy to trick and pry a stupid statement out of me. Usually expressing my contempt for the person conducting the interview. All reporters have an agenda. They all want to make a name for themselves. Don’t we all? If there weren’t different people in the world there wouldn’t be any harmony. But most reporters sing off key. It’s called “Fake News,” and I will play a reporter like a fiddle and then they write what I said and then I’m the fiddle.

 

But one night I had a rare moment of clarity. Now before I continue, I’d like to quote Gladys Hardy. I love Jesus, but I drink a little. Well, more than a little. Fifty-five years in publishing and entertainment, you do the math. But on this particular night an idea hit me. I’d love to tell you an angel appeared before me and I rushed out and dug up golden plates in the back yard but angels don’t hang around Killeen and any gold has long since been sold to Action Pawn.

 

What is inspiration? God doesn’t seize the hand of the writer and pen prophecy. The Holy Spirit whispers in their ear and the result is scripture with a big dash of human interpretation. Add a few hundred translations and in a millennia or so you get The Bible. But it started with that whisper and that whisper is still there.

 

I didn’t hear a whisper that night. What I would call Kia-lĩeea came suddenly. I have no idea how. It was basically little stand-up routines, about five pages, in my usual flavor, and when I was done I was unimpressed and put it away for fifteen years! Time and tears went by and I went to Dover, Tennessee to die. I’d always planned to die at seventy-two because in 1967 my health teacher told our class the life expectancy for us was seventy-two years. So, I did the math. 1951 plus 72 equals 2023 therefore I would die on September 11, 2023 which seemed to be far enough in the future to feel comfortable with though I did become edgy as the time drew nigh.

 

So there I was, sitting there on my back porch, looking at the lake, waiting to kick the bucket and my partner, Pam told me that I should call one of my old music friends, Vic Quinton and start something up. Now I’m busy dying you understand. I’ve been planning that curtain call for over half a century. But, I gave in and called.

 

Vic was busy sitting on his own porch down around Austin, looking at his lake and waiting for the grim reaper himself but he’d dabbled in the film industry here and there so for no particular reason I sent him a short story I called “Someday” that I’d penned in The Wellington. I was there after I drank myself into a respectable collapse, spiced with a healthy dose of COVID and a dash of old age. Hey! I told y’all I was gonna die at 72 didn’t I? Did you think I was joking?

 

Vic read the story and saw something there, God knows what. And immediately began writing a screenplay. I was thinking he’d better hurry because 2023 was bearing down and I didn’t want to be late. Well, we started discussing what we’d do with the screenplay after he was finished, and since I wasn’t planning on being around that much longer I suggested that we start a movie company. Now you don’t have to be crazy to plan on starting a movie company while you’re sitting on a porch in Screw-All Tennessee waiting to die, but it sure helps. Next thing I knew we had something called Witt and Wittier Films and I was asking God for an extension!

 

Here comes the kicker. Vic’s working his butt off pulling this screenplay together and one night I sent him a PDF of that short story that I’d written years ago for a laugh. Wouldn’t you know it, Vic saw something in it, called in the dogs, peed on the fire and turned a one-eighty to work on something he called Kielia. There was a key theme embedded in that thing that he expanded and wrote a movie! I’d like to say: Kia-lĩeea was maybe eight pages long. Kielia is over fifty. Do the math. I didn’t write that!

 

What would become what you know as the film, “Kielia” was a combination of many talents. First and foremost was Vic actually reading between the lines of my salty humor and seeing an Easter Egg God left that I never picked up on. Then Kim, Rusty, Ashley, Lee, Luca, Pam and so many others I couldn’t count, all pulled together and followed a vision. Little known historical fact: I did not participate or sit on any lot involved in the filming of the movie. That was left to greater minds than mine. And I’m glad they were there.

 

Our little anthropologist leads us through time to a garden that’s always been there. We could have seen it had we only looked. Well, people all over the world are looking now. From Cannes, to London, to Austin. As yet there has been no release because it keeps racking up awards. Vic and I truly believe Kielia is the work of God. A message to the world, and especially the kids. Kids who have been told the Bible a book of fables and true wisdom proceeds from the mouths of Drag Queens at the public library. That they can choose any of the countless genders out there courtesy of the Church of the Supreme Court, and that they are free! And Kielia sits on a couch with Brad with tears in her eyes saying, “I understand!” And in time you will understand what the Easter Egg was that was hidden within those few pages that Vic saw and gave to the world!