I Hate Civilization
I hate civilization. When you have people, you get civilization. When you have civilization you get government, sociology, politics and religion. All of which are detrimental to the human condition. From these developments come conditions. The more people the more conditions. The more conditions the more doctors with more cures, which never work in the long term and lead to psychopathy, neurosis, school shootings and gender dysphoria. God! I hate civilization!
Adam and Eve started naked. Anthropologists tell us that a monkey they call “Lucy” was the first humanoid woman and was probably the mother of us all. Now, as a disgraced Baptist I personally think Eve looked like Taylor Swift and Adam like Brad Pitt. The Bible tells us that Eve ate some forbidden fruit but I don’t think an apple was the core problem, if you pardon the pun. No, there were mushrooms growing on the north side of the tree and after Eve nibbled on that, well, that’s when the snake started talking.
And what did Eve do after that? What does any woman do after a free meal? They wanna go shopping! For clothes! Why? If you are involved with a woman, right away you gotta have a house. You got houses you get rooms. You get rooms, you get closets. Ok guys. Whose closet is bigger? Yours or hers? Eve started with a fig leaf. As she got older, bigger fig leaf. “Does this leaf make me look fat?”
The Devil didn’t invent evil, but he did come up with the credit card. The kids grew up and found significant others. That’s probably where Lucy comes in. Something in the woodpile. Theologians try to explain it away but consider: If Adam and Eve started alone, where did they find “others.” Joseph Smith told us that The Garden of Eden was in Jackson County Missouri. Now! You tell me! If you had relatives in Jackson County Missouri, would you tell anybody about them? Well Moses didn’t either when he wrote Genesis. And now you know where the Jews came from.
At any rate all these people who married into the family moved in with Adam and Eve. Of course, they brought their in-laws and outlaws and just about anyone else that needed a place to stay, and before you knew it the cave was full and they had to spread out. Adam and Eve were getting up there in years, and Eve had taken to wearing banana leaves by this time. And theologians come up with this tangled explanation about God getting pissed off about Eve eating that apple. All about her having kids without a saddle block or stitches. Well that wasn’t the case at all. You think God was worried about some chick eating an apple? Au Contrairé! When they started subletting, they broke the lease! God had set up a one to four family complex and here all these people showed up. Well? Eviction! Three day notice and everybody had to go. Hieroglyphics found in Occatillo Wells, California show us where they went from there.
And they began to form neighborhoods, known as “Hoods” named after the garment the preacher wore on Sundays and certain special days when the church needed more money to buy . . . apples. Well, when you got neighborhoods right away you got neighbors. Neighbors give you jobs. You got jobs you got homeboys. Homeboys lead to unemployment and then you got food banks full of apples. But that ain’t the half of it. You think everyone just stayed put? Oh hell no! Move around! Joseph Smith was wrong. The Jews didn’t sail to America. They sailed to Israel from Jackson County Missouri. That’s why Israel split in two after Solomon. You see, The Bloods had Samaria and the Crips took Jerusalem. Now the Sinaloa Cartel was busy chopping heads off in Teotihuacán and weren’t involved at the time. Actually they’re still chopping heads off and selling spiced apples!
Well, here comes civilization. Rules, regulations, and politicians. What could possibly go wrong? When you write one law right away you gotta write two more to explain the first one and any GPS will tell you that you can’t get there from here. Sometime around then God came up with a great flood to try and flush this mess but eight of them got away and well, you know. Like having roaches. Once you see one there’s a hundred under the sink. You get countries, empires, and always some “New World Order.” You remember Eve eating that apple naked. They don’t keep their figure forever. God! I hate civilization.
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