Five Guys Ain’t a Pizza Anymore
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. We’ve all heard of that fifteen minutes of fame. That light of notoriety that shines on someone for a moment and then dims and goes away. If the fabled fifteen minutes becomes more, it is usually because the recipient really does have something to offer. Their ship will sail while others sink. Why did “Macarena” not launch the career of Los Del Rio like “She Loves You” did for The Beatles?
Because Los Del Rio didn’t have a “Hawk Tuah! And in the world of Woke a good stroke is rare. So let’s examine this phenomenon and spit on that thang.
Crazy ideas occasionally fly. Catch phrases resonate through the years. Are the lambs still screaming? I suspect Hailey Welch can make you scream. She had rhythm and humor and was every man’s idea of the girl next door. You remember her. The one someone else married and you still recall fondly in your declining years of ED? Yeah! THAT one.
Hailey condensed fifteen minutes of fame to around four minutes and the world went mad. Russia and Ukraine were tearing each other’s throats out, Biden was trying to remember his wife’s name, Trump was rolling in the results of November 5th like a dog in a dead armadillo, and the entire world was rediscovering the late great Linda Lovelace thanks to a cute chick on Music Square USA! Only in America!
I’m not gonna pass judgment on little Hailey! Hell NO! I’m thinking about putting her in one of my movies. She’ll fit right into Austin. I mean we have The Daughters of the Republic of Texas but frankly they’re getting old and turned the Alamo into a gift shop before retiring to the bingo parlor. I think The Hawk Tuah society would be more in line with what Santa Anna was really all about, don’t you? Now let me ask you: Would you rather hang out with Hailey on 6th Street in Austin or cheer on a gay parade. Chew on that.
Ms Welch even had a podcast. I never heard it but I don’t think it sucked if you forgive the pun. I learned that there was even a cyber currency involved but sadly it was discovered that professionally speaking about twenty dollars is all you can get. Maybe twenty-five if you swallow. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, but cigars come in all sizes.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not aspersing on Hailey. I have no substantiated proof that she subscribes to what she purported that night on WestEnd or if she really Hawks and Tuahs. We’ve all been on dates where the girl in question “took the bartender home!”
And I don’t know how big her boyfriend is which is always a factor in the south when you insult a lady. In fact, I like her. You have to admit. She has a good head on her shoulders.
The Hawk Tuah girl will fade from view. In years to come you will come across her in the tabloids and be amazed at how she aged. Nashville does that. I spent a year there one day. But, I sincerely wish her well. Hailey, are you out there? I would really like to audition you. Shut up you perverts! It ain’t like that. We’re just good friends, I have this story about this sweet little girl who became misunderstood one night at a party, just like you. You could just be yourself. You wouldn’t even have to act! She goes about trying to explain her view on women’s rights. How are you with a Bowie knife?
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