Get Out of Hell Free Cards

 

 

 

“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”

 

Sometime during the first century AD Jesus uttered these words from a grassy hilltop in Israel. All the six hundred and thirty three regulations, laws, traditions and bar talk all boiled down to one simple idea. What goes around comes around!

 

And prophets, believers, non-believers, rich men, poor women, teachers, students and politicians have been beating poor old Jesus up ever since. The entirety of mankind endeavored to live life in peace so long as they got a piece.

 

Last night I put up with a video from some preacher who had long since lost his faith as he enumerated the errors and contradictions in the Bible that caused him to doubt everything he’d based his life on. Now bear in mind this nincompoop based his church services on tap dancing on a stage uttering nonsensical gibberish because he read in the aforementioned document that he could understand all languages without Google Translate and just he and God had this code that only they could understand. Across town on that fine Sunday morning a priest was in a confessional listening to a teen age girl as she pours her heart out and in due time he will do unto her. An atheist is sleeping in because he looked up at the stars last night and convinced himself that a monkey was his uncle and the creation of the universe was just the result of a tornado in a trailer park.

 

There are over fifteen million people out there, running loose, who have convinced themselves a boy climbed a hill in New York somewhere, met a real live angel, who showed him a repository of golden leaf, whereupon the history of the Americas was inscribed and unto that moment nobody knew about it! Not one writing. Not one tradition. Not one note on a bathroom wall, “For a good time call Joe at BR-549!” Just kid with a shiney rock and thirty-five or forty girlfriends down the road that had the Bible all figured out so long as you believed the one he wrote while his face was smashed into his hat. Oh, and of course after he’d smashed his latest flame.

 

Ok, before I blaspheme the Baptists and fried chicken, suffice to say that all have sinned, all have fallen short of the glory and hell ain’t half full! Can I have an Amen? Oh, sorry, my bad. Bad choice of words.  I’m no better. I’ve been in country music at the publishing level for over forty years and if you think them preachers can miss the mark just hold my communion wafer and watch this! Just about all theology stems from a skirt. Think I’m lying? Look at a Muslim lady in a burka and then look at a traditional nun.  You’re welcome. Man has been chasing woman ever since Eve swung down from the trees.

 

Man will come up with any manner of excuses trying to explain away his short comings for all of recorded history and before that. That’s why all religions have a get out of hell free card somewhere in the mission statement of whatever they’re smoking at the time. Does this mean mankind is damned? Why hell yeah! Remember my three rules of life!

 

Money buys everything.

People are no damn good.

If you nail two things together that have never been nailed together before you will get rich.

 

Harsh? Out of bounds? You don’t think like that? Jesus gave you one rule: Don’t mess over anyone or they will do unto you! And you can’t even do that! And you’ve had two thousand years to get it right. Now don’t misunderstand me. There are people who aspire to goodness. Those who work hard, save their money and at least try to leave a good taste in everybody’s mouth. But for every one of them there’s two out there who will take it all away in order to continue to enjoy the Hedonistic life style they’d like to become accustomed to.

 

There is a little dance flooding to internet lately. Simple little goofy tune and some little girl in a crowd, on an escalator or just walking down a sidewalk in a crowded New York street will suddenly snap to and begin to do this dance. Nothing dirty. Nothing bad. Just pure happy as she stares off totally ignoring the people around her who are pointing and laughing, enjoying the moment. And Jesus smiles from that hill and says, “What she said!”