We Reserve the Right Refuse Service to You

 




 

Normally I don’t say much concerning “The Sons of Abraham.” That, and following the words of the Prophet, Dave Chapelle, I dodge connecting the two words “The” and “Jews.” That’s because they may not actually control The World Bank, but they sure as hell control the entertainment industry and I need their money. Shalom! That having been said, I’m talking about all the sons of Abraham under the various understandings of sacred texts handed to the rest of humanity down through the millennia as the closing documents of a Real Estate deal.

 

First things first: The Middle East contains 6.3% of the world’s population and 1.4% of the world’s renewable freshwater. Now I’m just a Simple Ole Boy from Austin but if you ask me that’s one hell of a promotion program that can convince the other 93.7% hanging around the third rock from the sun that they have anything to say about anything at all!

 

Now, before all the religious nuts condemn me to hell, (except the Mormons because I’m descended from Porter Rockwell) I am a believer in Jesus Christ, and not the New Improved Jesus Joel Olsteen is trying to sell us, but the Jesus who told us to leave the little kids alone! So don’t get up on your high camel with me!

 

Of course, the people of the Middle East have the right to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. So stop shooting up music concerts, running people out of their homes and, yeah, leave the little girls alone. That would be a good start, don’t you think? Now let’s look at logistics.

 

Israel jumped on Lebanon because of an attack on its area. Ok ok! One toke over the line, yet again. So what was the headline? Worries about the Middle East War Expanding! So what? Is it gonna expand to Austin? Probably not. Or London, Moscow, or Beijing? Don’t think so. So what’s the big deal. Now here come the experts. They have oil! Ok. So does Texas. MEXICO has oil. And aren’t electric cars all the rage right now. The Middle East has OPEC. The three powers who really run the world need to form DICKS (Diversity In Cooperation Knocks Stupidity) and OPEC can just suck it up!

 

With apologies to Kinky for stealing some of his lyrics for this article 

So, is oil the only hold the Middle East Has. Oh heck no! RE-ligion! Chances are if you pray you are not praying to the God of Sesame Street. You are getting it touch from God verified by one of the two holding companies found where? Jerusalem!  And God lives there. You can see His house right up on the hill. And it has a special rock in it. Supposedly Abraham came close to slaughtering his son on that rock but an angel gave him a goat instead, so he and his son killed the goat and “Father Abraham decided to run his girlfriend off and that’s the problem in the Middle East.

 

Side note: For Sale By Owner: Large lot, level. Striking view. One lien. Perfect for a Super Walmart. Current owner wants to keep the large rock. Everything else conveys.



 

Family is important over there. Now to the rest of us they all look alike. All but Nathan Yahoo, he just looks like a landlord. He convenes a joint meeting of the houses of Congress every two or three years to pick up some cash. It didn’t work out too good for him this year because as he was speaking his troops were bombing refugees as they were trying to get out of the way.

 

But back to the subject. Why should we, as The UnChosen be concerned with expanding wars between the Middle East. If you want to buy into their metaphysical product so be it. I do! But that’s because I believe that God’s a Texan, a great big Baptist Anglo Saxon sitting up there playing on an Ouija Board. Nah! I don’t believe the Ouija Board part. Just said that to scare Kenneth Copeland. But everything else is gospel. What I don’t believe in is nonsense, and believing the world’s axis runs through The Middle East throws the whole planet out of balance. God created all of us, except maybe folks in California.

The Prophet Bill the Benevolent 

 

 


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